


Alive

by MadameRed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Happy Ending, I promise, I'm so sorry, Multi, can i apologize for the terrible summary?, impending doom, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameRed/pseuds/MadameRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Jean is a titan shifter without a retainer, and today is his twenty-first birthday. His last day alive, or so he thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU there are no titans, just titan shifters. Regular people that are born with the ability to shift into something stronger. When shifting, they only get slightly taller, but without a retainer, they are somewhat wild and can only return to their natural form by being knocked unconscious. A retainer is able to return them to their human form with a simple touch. Due to the Shifter war hundreds of years ago, any shifter that has not found their retainer by twenty-one is executed, deemed too dangerous to be allowed to live.
> 
> Partially inspired by 'Bleeding Out' by Imagine Dragons.

"You're awake."

"That would imply that I went to sleep," Jean grumbled in response. Mikasa kept her worried gaze focused on him. 

"Jean, you should have gotten some sleep. You know how hard Armin worked on your party," she said quietly.

"What, you mean my 'last day alive' party? Yeah, I can't fucking wait," he growled. Jean rolled onto his side, pulling up the blanket that Armin had brought out for him sometime after midnight. 

"Oi, don't be a dick," Levi muttered. Jean casually flipped the older man off, not meeting his gaze. Cold blue eyes narrowed, but Mikasa touched him gently on the shoulder. With an agitated sigh, Levi grasped her hand and gave it a light squeeze. She kissed the top of his head and glided back into the kitchen.

"Who retains who?" Jean asked, forcing amusement into his voice. (He wasn't  _not_ entertained, but it was difficult to achieve an outward sense of joy when he was going to be dead by tomorrow evening.) Levi scowled, but Mikasa just smiled softly, humming as she flipped a perfect pancake onto a plate. Jean sniffed at the air and suppressed a grim smile. She'd made his favourite: peanut butter, marshmallow, and banana pancakes. He wanted to smile and hug her and thank her for being the sweet, thoughtful woman that allowed him to live with her and her brother, and their retainers. 

As if on cue, Eren and Armin wandered into the living room. Armin detached his hand from Eren's and sat on the couch behind the crook of Jean's legs. 

"Morning!" the blond said brightly. Jean's lips twitched, but he still couldn't bring himself to smile. Eren kissed his sister on the cheek and reached for a piece of sausage, dodging Mikasa's swatting hand. He padded back into the living room and sat on the floor, his back against the couch. Armin put his socked feet on Eren's shoulders, and silence fell over the room again.

Jean hated silence.

"Shouldn't we be getting this place ready for the party, Armin?" he asked, his voice louder than he'd intended. 

"Oh, um, no," Armin muttered. 

"You canceled the party of a dead man walking? That's harsh, blondie," Jean joked tightly. Armin looked ill. "Hey, it's okay-"

"We didn't cancel the party, idiot," Levi snapped, without venom. "Eren invited the entire town, so we had to move it to the community center." Jean looked down sharply at Eren, sitting up slightly. The brunet man was staring down at his hands, fingers still slightly greasy from the sausage. 

"Eren, why-"

"You could meet your retainer there tonight!" Eren blurted, turning his head to look at Jean with wide, misty eyes. "And then we won't have to take you to the Justiciar tomorrow!" Eren's tanned hands found his and he gripped them tightly. He was on his knees now, kneeling on the floor beside Jean, who couldn't bring himself to say a single harsh word to Eren. They'd known each other all their lives, and while most of their exchanges led to them both shifting (Armin would calm Eren down, but Mikasa would have to shift and knock Jean out, and then Levi would stand on his toes and gently card his hands through Mikasa's hair, bringing her back to her normal form), at the end of the day, they were fast friends. Jean felt his face fall, never having been able to resist Eren's emotions for long, and a small, sad smile slipped across his lips.

"Thanks, Eren," was all he could manage. Eren grinned at him, that vicious Jaeger determination glinting in his eyes, and Jean knew that if sheer willpower could materialize into a retainer specifically for him, Eren would be the one to save his life.

\---

Armin had insisted that Jean greet every person that walked through the door, since one of them could be his retainer and that required everyone to see him at least once. Despite the fact that he would (almost) rather be at home with a six pack and a video game war with Eren and Connie, Jean had grudgingly agreed to Armin's request.

"I wish I could recognize them," Jean muttered to Eren, who stood beside him. 

"Or if like, every shifter had to stand up on a stage and look at every single person in town," Eren murmured. Jean snorted.

"Can you really have seen Bertholdt doing that? He'd have drowned himself before Annie and Reiner got to him." Eren grinned.

"Yeah, I guess Bert's a special case all around," he chuckled. He plucked at Jean's sleeve. "Has anyone looked at you funny tonight?"

"Bedroom eyes funny or 'wow that guy's gonna be dead tomorrow' funny?" Jean groused. Eren elbowed him in his ribs. He glanced down at him. "Did you feel anything when Armin recognized you?" Eren shook his head.

"Not till he actually touched me. He hugged me before I even knew his name," he said, a fond smile working its way onto his face. "But it felt a lot like jumping into a pool on a hot day, yanno? Like... refreshing." He shrugged. "It's hard to explain, 'cause it's different for everyone."

Jean considered this, and then thought on what his friends had told him. Mikasa said that when Levi had grasped her hand when she was seventeen, she'd felt an overwhelming sensation that was akin to going home after being away for many years. Christa hadn't been able to stop crying when Ymir had picked up the small, homeless girl and brought her home. Hanji often said that from the moment Erwin touched her hand, she'd felt smarter. 

Jean used to enjoy imagining what it would be like when his retainer finally recognized him and grasped his hand for the first time. Would they be a girl or a boy? Would they be his age, or older, or younger? But as the years wore on and all of his shifter friends found their retainers and he didn't, it became less fun and more of something to do when he was feeling sad. And today he was twenty-one, and if he didn't find his retainer by tomorrow morning, the Justiciar would take claim of him. 

His life would end, for the good of humanity. 

"Jean." Eren's voice snapped him out of his daze, and it was then that he became aware of his friend's hand gripping his. He looked down at the brunet: his green eyes were wet once again and his lips were pressed into a stressed, thin line. Without thinking, Jean reached out and pulled Eren against him in a crushing hug. Eren returned the embrace just as forcefully, pressing his forehead into Jean's shoulder.

"Hey, the night's still young," Jean murmured, his voice cracking slightly. "Maybe they just aren't here yet." He felt Eren nod against him. When the brunet pulled back, his eyelashes were slightly damp. 

"You're not allowed to die on me, Kirschtein," he warned. Jean forced a grin.

"'Course not, short shit. Who else is going to pop your ego when you get back from shopping with Mikasa?"

\---

Jean greeted every single person that came into the community center that night, but not one of them came forward; none of them turned out to be his retainer. The ride back to their house was filled with a tense silence that no one, not even Levi, had the guts to break. Jean sat in the back seat, sandwiched between Mikasa and Eren, his oldest friends. They each held one of his hands and were crowded so close to him that, if the situation were different, several glorious jokes could be made. 

The SUV was quiet, though. None of them could say anything, because the only thing on their minds was tomorrow, but the words were caught in their throats. 

Levi pulled into a parking lot and exited the car abruptly, not speaking to anyone. Jean watched the short man walk into a liquor store, and he felt his lips twitch upward. Levi had his own, peculiar way of showing that he cared, and Jean had long ago learned to appreciate it. Patting Mikasa's knee, Armin hopped out of the vehicle and jogged in after him to help. 

Jean slouched down in the seat, propping his feet up on the center console. On either side of him, Eren and Mikasa snuggled in, draping their legs across his lap and tucking their heads to his collarbones. 

"You two are idiots," Jean murmured eventually. Eren poked him hard in the side.

"Why?" Mikasa hummed softly.

"For being friends with my stupid ass for so long."

"Jean, shut up," she ordered. Mikasa had always had an ability to read just about anyone around her like an open book, and Jean knew he was no exception. For once, he listened to her.  _Not because she told me to_ , he reasoned with himself.  _I suck at goodbyes anyway._

A thud interrupted them; Levi had plunked his forehead against the glass window of the back of the SUV. He carried two cases of beer on each of his shoulders, and he smirked at them. Armin popped up at his side with a small shopping cart filled with bottles tucked into paper bags. For the first time that day, Jean cracked a genuine smile.

"You're all idiots," he chuckled fondly.

\---

They had originally planned to drink the night away with Jean's favourite movies, songs, and board games, just the five of them. When they actually pulled onto their street, they knew that their plans had changed considerably.

Several cars, belonging to their friends, lined the street in front of their house. Levi tossed the keys to Jean, and he and Mikasa went inside. 

"How the hell did you idiots get in?" he asked the people in his house companionably. Christa winked at him.

"Spoilers!" 

Reiner swept him up in a bone-crushing hug, lifting him off of his feet. Jean squawked loudly, though it quickly became a laugh. "Since when was a party ever over before  _I_ said so?" Reiner boomed. 

Sasha bounced up and hugged him round the middle while he was still held aloft. "Armin sent out a text! You didn't think we'd leave you all by your lonesome, didja? We brought sodas; he said Levi bought half the liquor store."

"Only because you said Ymir and Annie were coming," Levi deadpanned, walking into the kitchen with two of the cases of beer. 

Reiner finally set Jean down. He looked at all of his friends; Annie and Bertholdt were already playing cards. Ymir and Connie were playing a video game, and Christa sat between them. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and grinned at them. It wasn't so forced this time; he was genuinely touched that they'd all decided to spend this time with him. He couldn't find it in him to be cranky, not on his last day alive. Not during his last few hours with his friends.

With all of the booze unloaded and arranged on the counter, plastic cups were passed around, beer bottles were opened and the paper wrappings notched (Reiner's last game of Buffalo the month previous was still all too fresh in their minds). Music was turned on, and the biggest game of King's Cup that Jean had ever participated in was started. 

With each beer, Jean thought less and less of the day to come and focused more and more on his friends, on laughter, on living in the moment and enjoying it for what it was. He was chugging his beer, bottle tipped up, when a pair of headlights pulling into his driveway caught his attention. 

"Mmmm," he hummed around the mouth of his beer, pointing with his free hand. Everyone looked up, and Ymir smirked.

"Oh, that's my cousin, Marco. He wasn't gonna come; said he didn't want to intrude on all the bonding, but I guess he changed his mind," she said. "My li'l baby's growin' up, comin' out of his shell and crashin' parties" she sniffed dramatically. She made to get up, but Jean flapped a hand at her dismissively.

"I need another beer now anyway," he said. 

"I could have brought you one!" Eren shouted from the kitchen.

"You can barely walk straight anymore, you damn fly-weight," Jean snickered as he walked past the kitchen island, where Eren was mixing his drink. The doorbell rang then. "I'd like to actually have beer in the bottle to drink." Eren flipped him off, but Jean was looking curiously through the peephole. Though the image was somewhat distorted, he could see Marco's light tan and smattering of freckles, like Ymir's. Grinning, he yanked open the door.

"Hey, man, come in," he greeted. 

But Marco didn't move; he stared at Jean with wide, impossibly warm brown eyes, his mouth parted slightly. 

"You okay?" Jean asked, tilting his head to the side. Marco nodded at him dumbly. Jean scratched the back of his head.

"I think your cousin's brok-"

Marco chose that moment to reach out and rest his fingertips gently against Jean's cheek. Jean's eyes widened at the contact that he'd been waiting for since he'd first shifted, the touch of the person that would save his life. He staggered to the side, knocking over the metal bowl filled with keys. Marco stepped across the threshold and wrapped his arms around Jean just in time for his legs to give out completely. 

Jean was was vaguely aware, in the back of his mind, of Eren rushing into the foyer and shouting for Mikasa, a waver his his voice. But only a small part of his brain registered that. He leaned against Marco, wrapped his arms around a broad chest and was nearly overcome by the breath in his very lungs and the blood in his veins. He could hear his heart pounding, could hear Marco's as well. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of being alive, and then laughter bubbled up and spilled from his mouth. He laughed harder and louder than he had in years, and he felt Marco laughing with him. 

"Thank the stars for you." Mikasa's voice cut through to Jean. He turned to look at her; she stood beside Eren, gripping his hand tightly. That fierce look was back in Eren's eyes as he grinned widely at his friend. He could hear the rest of his friends standing up, shuffling toward them. He heard Levi telling them that Marco was his retainer. He could hear the whooping and cheering from his friends, all of whom could easily be mistaken for a stadium full of people for all the noise they were making. 

Jean grasped Marco's hand and pulled him into the house. The game they'd been playing was wholly forgotten, the music was turned up, drinks were topped off, and Marco and Jean spent the rest of the (very long) party sitting on the couch, talking. 

The grin didn't leave Jean's face once for the rest of the night. There was so much to smile about when one was alive.  _  
_

**Author's Note:**

> Ookay so that was weird, but it was an idea I'd had banging around in my head for a few days. A few notes:
> 
> Retainers are the ones that recognize their shifter upon seeing them, and that recognition is passed on through touch. Umm I think the rest of the significant information was mentioned at the top, but I can answer any questions you have. I might write more of these, if inspiration strikes me.
> 
> Yes, I love the idea of Jean being total bros with Eren. Like, "i'll beat the shit out of you but anyone else tries to hurt you and i will end them" type bros. And faced with Jean's death, Eren gets a little clingy cause he's frickin cute. 
> 
> This was probably really weird, but I figured, hey, I've read stranger AU fics than this, might as well give it a go. 
> 
> Peace, love, and chai <3


End file.
